I think it was the end of third grade when I begged my parents to let me take clarinet lessons. I don't remember much about why I wanted to take the lessons, but I remember that it seemed desperately important to me at the time. There were ensuing arguments between my parents (there always were) about this topic. My dad's view was that it was whim, that I often had whims, and that I rarely showed much follow through. Didn't we remember what happened with little league, he asked my mother and me? Somehow though, my mother came through for me. She always did. I was allowed to take the lessons despite the cost and inconveniences.
My mother drove me to Chester, not the best of neighborhoods, to rent the clarinet. It seemed so far away (in reality it was about five miles down straight down the boulevard, not even a turn was needed). The clarinet cost twenty-five dollars to rent for the summer. That was a lot of dough in 1977.
The lessons took place at the high school, which seemed cool, scary, and mysterious all at once. Getting to the high school with the clarinet also involved a drive – again, my mother acquiesced. I don't remember what she did while I had the lessons with grumpy Mr. Hoffman, but I am guessing she waited in the car. Mr. Hoffman had stale coffee breath and was near retirement age. (He wound up being my seventh grade music teacher, and then he actually did retire.) He was likely giving lessons during the summer to earn a little extra cash. He didn't seem all that thrilled to be there. I was though, at least at first.
Practicing… well, my mom made it very clear that while she supported my endeavor, I would have to practice in the backyard. I tried. Mr. Booth, my next-door neighbor and pseudo grandfather, had a lot to say about my practicing in the yard. I was too young and too sensitive to understand his curmudgeonly ways were more about his love for me than his disdain for the noise I mad.
Reeds – you had to have reeds for playing the clarinet correctly. I doubt that they were expensive, but they were consumable and needed to be replaced. Apparently I wasn't too good at getting as much life out of a reed as most. It must've had something to do with an excess of saliva or something. Honestly, the reed situation was the first excuse I used for not wanting to play the clarinet. This happened pretty quickly after the first few lessons.
I didn't make it through the summer, I quit somewhere in the middle. Truth is I lasted a lot longer than I really wanted to… I tried to be stubborn and prove to my father (and myself) that the clarinet wasn't just a whim. I wanted to want to learn to play the clarinet. That is the truth. Another truth is that very shortly after beginning to learn I wanted to quit.
The clarinet experience has come up a lot over the past 33 or so years. Mostly it is my father who would bring it up although sometimes my mom would mention it too, if she was extraordinarily frustrated with me. More often though, I would think about it and chastise myself. Truth is I don't have enough follow-through.
Recently I made a pledge to try to be a better Facebook friend. Honestly, I did try, but it is still a huge struggle for me and something I just can't seem to derive must pleasure from. Around the same time I made a commitment (to myself) to blog. It didn't (doesn't!) matter if anyone read what I wrote, that isn't the point, not at all.
I can't say that I am a perfectionist. In the past I have had some perfectionist leanings, but I've been successful at letting them go (which isn't necessarily a good thing!). What I've found though, is that for me blogging is much like that damn clarinet in that I so often start but don't finish.
I have about fifteen pieces that I've started in the past month of two. Ideas that I thought sounded good… things that I composed in mind while showering or driving… items that I started and saved as Word documents, but never got around to completing.
What's up with that? I guess that is question that I need to really ask myself… a topic I need to be reflective with and explore. I will do that. I think it is a theme I should try to blog about.
