Worries

Unless you're from Australia, do us all a favor and please, don't use the phrase, 'no worries'. Okay?

Twitter Question

Why can't a person follow himself on Twitter?

An Oldie, but a Goodie!

Reasons Why the English Language is Hard to Learn:

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2. The farm was used to produce produce.

3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse refuse.

4. We must polish the Polish furniture.

5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8. A bass was painted the head of the bass drum.

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10. I did not object to the object.

11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13. They were too close to the door to close it.

14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into the sewer line.

16. To help with the planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it, English is a crazy language! There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in a pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French Fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. If we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. Why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, two geese… So one moose, two meese?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you can comb through annals of history but not one single annal?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

Word of the Year

It is no secret that I love words and language, so it shouldn't be all that surprising that I am a little bit stoked about the New Oxford Dictionary Word of the Year. The word? Oh, a direct result of Facebook, it is 'unfriend'.

Unfriend is a verb meaning: "To remove someone as a 'friend' on a social networking site such as Facebook." I love the idea that new words are always making their way into our lexicon. In fact, my class just recently finished the book Frindle, by Andrew Clements. That novel, written for elementary school age kids, aptly illustrates the power of words and the fluidity of our language.

According to Clements, it takes approximately ten years before a new word makes its way into the dictionary. In the past few years words such as bootylicious, mcjob, evoo, and comb-over have all been added to the dictionary. Some of those words seem out-dated before the dictionary is even off of the printing press (here… printing press – how old school does THAT sound?).

The word unfriend probably isn't the kindest word; it doesn't conjure up great feelings. In fact, there is already an online debate about its use versus the use of the word defriend. Any way you look at it though, it seems appropriate that this year's word of the year is a reference to modern technology.

 

No Need to Alter the Ending

A kid recently let me know that her teacher (male) had asked the class what 'emo' was. He then did an image search on Google. Having looked at the pictures supplied the teacher apparently stated to his sixth grade class that all 'emos' were homosexual. I don't know about that. I am pretty sure that Chris Carrabba would likely be classified as both heterosexual and emo. In fact, Spin Magazine recently classified him as the 'king of emo-folk pain'.

Carrabba is, of course, the front man for the band Dashboard Confessional. The band recently released a new album titled, Alter the Ending. The album is available in two formats: the regular version and a deluxe version. The deluxe version, which is only an additional three dollars on iTunes, contains acoustic versions of all of the songs. I highly recommend spending the extra few bucks.

There has been talk that the band (and, more specifically, Mr. Carrabba) has been bit schizo as it ages. Some say that there is an identity crisis of sorts; a vacillation from adult contemporary to indie folk, etc. That isn't at all a bad thing. In fact, the bi-polar, hard to define quality is precisely what makes DC so interesting and different. Don't be fooled, even at their most over-produced DC still manages to hold on to enough indie-ism to keep their sound from blending into the vanilla.

When listening the Alter the Ending, conduct a little emo/indie experiment. Rather than listening to the album straight through, play the regular version of a song and follow it up with the acoustic version of the same song. Try that a few times. See if you can decide which version works best for your ears. Are you a 'depressed' DC fan or a 'manic' one? If you're like me, you'll find that you're both.

For Real

Library Books Returned 50 Years Late

A high school librarian in Phoenix says a former student at the school returned two overdue books checked out 51 years ago along with a $1,000 money order to cover the fines.

Camelback High School librarian Georgette Bordine says the two Audubon Society books checked out in 1959 and the money order were sent by someone who wanted to remain anonymous.

For Real?

School says eighth-grader's Bengal stripes and 'B' hairdo violates conduct code.

By Richard O Jones, Staff Writer

HAMILTON — An in-school suspension for a haircut has a Hamilton family wondering about school priorities and freedom of speech.

Dustin Reader, an eighth-grader at Garfield Middle School, received an in-school suspension Monday because of a haircut he received over the weekend in honor of the Cincinnati Bengals.

His barber, Chris Campbell of the B Street barbershop Razor Sharp, cut Bengal stripes on the sides of Reader's head and a large capital B on the back to resemble the team's helmet, and on Sunday, he colored his head and scalp to match for the game. The colors were washed out for school on Monday, according to his parents, but he barely got off his bicycle at Garfield when he was sent to his principal's office.

Because it's a discipline issue, school officials would not talk about it, but confirmed the suspension was for violating the school's code of conduct, which prohibits "unnaturally colored hair, extreme/distracting makeup, haircuts and hairstyles."

The code of conduct is reviewed and revised every year, said assistant superintendent Kathy Leist, who said a suspension "would be a building-level decision based on the code of conduct."

Reader's parents, Tina Wanamaker and James Reader, said they were aware of the rule, but didn't think Dustin's cut was out of line.

"He's had designs on his head before and no one said anything," said Wanamaker. Previously, he'd had a rose, a spiral and the word "LOST" carved into his hair. On the occasion of the "LOST" cut, he was told by the school to fix it, but he didn't get in trouble, they said.

"This is a way for him to express pride in the Bengals' putting up a winning season," said his father. "It's not racist, not drug-related, not gang-related or anything like that. It's about football."

The barber, too, is taken aback.

"I've put multiple designs in kids' heads that go to different Hamilton city schools and never has anyone come back to me and said they needed it cut out because they were being harassed in school," Campbell said.

The in-school suspension, which means that Dustin is in attendance and doing his work but remains in an isolated area away from other students, will remain in effect until the hair either grows out or he gets a different cut, school officials said, but the Readers are sticking to their guns. "I'm behind him 100 percent," said his father.

"We're not going to fix it," his mother said. "He's still going to school and I'm proud of him for that."

http://www.journal-news.com/news/hamilton-news/student-suspended-over-who-dey-haircut-397088.html

On Aging…

This is from an email that is probably as old as…well…email, but it is still pretty interesting.

Just in case you weren't feeling too old today:

The people who are starting college this fall were born in 1991.

They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.

Their lifetime has always included AIDS.

The CD was introduced two years before they were born.

They have always had an answering machine.

They have always had cable.

Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.

Popcorn has always been microwaved.

They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.

They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.

They never heard: 'Where's the Beef?', 'I'd walk a mile for a Camel ', or 'de plane Boss, de plane'.

McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.

They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.

And… in the tradition of Dr. Seuss:

I cannot see

I cannot pee

I cannot chew

I cannot screw

Oh my God, what can I do?

My memory shrinks

My hearing stinks

No sense of smell

I look like hell

My mood is bad – can you tell?

My body's drooping

Have trouble pooping

The Golden Years

have come at last

The Golden Years

can kiss my ass.

Moby

Last year, thanks to Whitney Matheson at USA Today's Pop Candy (http://content.usatoday.com/communities/popcandy/index) I was able to ask Moby a question:

Years ago I saw Moby (he was/is great!) in Philadelphia. He did a lot of posing/posturing that seemed "Christ-like" -- you know, standing aloft with his arms out while bathed in an aura of light as Biblical-sounding music played. I was just wondering if he ever received any negative feedback about that artistic choice and how he reacted. -- Bob H. in Lone Pine, Calif.

Yeah, it's funny -- I know what he's talking about. I have this one song called Thousand. It starts at 130 beats per minute and it gets faster and faster and stops at 1,000 beats per minute. I was performing it, and I didn't know what to do, so I stood on top of my keyboard and spread my arms. It wasn't intended to be a Christ pose, it was just I didn't know what to do during that song. Necessity being the mother of invention, I stood on my keyboard and just stood there.

Then people started thinking it was some sort of Billy Budd or Christ pose. Hopefully I didn't offend anyone by accidentally assuming this Christ pose.

Holiday

"Veterans Day" Versus "Veterans' Day"

Tomorrow, November 11, is Veterans Day in the United States.

Although the government officially calls it Veterans Day, it is sometimes written as Veterans' Day, which is also a grammatically acceptable choice, or (the horror!) Veteran's Day. What's the difference?

Veterans Day -- Veterans is acting like an adjective, telling you what kind of day it is, just as tree in tree farm tells you what kind of farm it is.

Veterans' Day -- Veterans' is possessive, telling you it is the day of celebration for veterans.

Veteran's Day -- Veteran's is possessive, telling you it is the day of celebration for one veteran, which is clearly not accurate.

Veterans Day is capitalized because the names of all holidays are capitalized.

***Courtesy of Grammar Girl --- check her out: www.grammar.quickanddirtytips.com

SNL

Did you happen to catch Saturday's episode of SNL? Do you even watch SNL anymore? Does anyone? I think they do. I think a lot of people still watch, probably by recording it and watching it on Sunday morning (that is what I do). It seems that many people, however, are loathe to admit that they still like the sketch comedy grandpa.

For the past, oh I don't know, twenty-five years or so, it seems like it has been really en vogue to claim that SNL sucks. That is sort of like claiming to hate a band (they're sellouts!) as soon they start selling some music.

At any rate, I did watch (and enjoy) SNL this week. Taylor Swift pulled double-duty as both the host and the musical guest. Guess what, she's funny. I thought she did a great job from the monologue right up to the sign-off. Her parts the "Penelope" skit, the fake "Twighlight", and the too-close BFF were all inspired. What really made me laugh the most, I think, was her send-up of Kate Gosselin. Come to think of it, those parodies of "The View" are pretty friggin' hilarious.

Kristen Wiig, you rock! You are my new favorite. I already loved you, but your Greta Van Susteren really sealed the deal.

Taylor Swift, you're adorable. You're funny. You can write songs and sing them. You're graceful. I am impressed.

Cashiers

I was a cashier for many years in many different retail establishments. I was friendly (I think… I hope) and worked hard. Cashiering (and working with the public in any capacity) is a really hard job.

Lately I've noticed that many of the cashiers who have helped have been… well, annoying. It isn't that any of them were rude. In fact, it is more the opposite. These retail radicals seem hell-bent on making conversation and being overly friendly. Friendly is great. Making conversation is also a pretty good idea, I suppose.

What I don't like is when the clerks are way over the top or when they're determined to deliver commentary on the items I'm purchasing. Thank God I don't buy tampons… ice cream is bad enough.

How Weird Is It?

I have those little Halloween packs of Starburst Fruit Chews. You know the ones; they have two pieces in each little individual pack. Well, I really like eating them. What I like to do is open up several packs at once. Then, I sort the individual pieces by color. I begin eating them, one color/flavor at a time, starting with the biggest group and working my way down the what there are the least of (usually strawberry). Come to think of it, I do something similar when eating Skittles. I wonder how weird that is.